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First I wanted to say everything in the video, but I thought that there are some young or maybe also depressed people here and then they had to watch my video. I'll explain later why, I don't know if I can say it right now.
But okay, if you can't deal with heavy loaded stories, then I'm recommending you not to read this. You shouldn't feel pressured to read something you can't handle or what you don't want to read. So, just saying it to protect some people! <3
So my whole life has been heavy for my feeling. I'm still working on myself, trying to get through certain moments in my life. When I was a little kid from like 2 years old, we lived in a town, nearby my grandma. She always wanted to take care for things, my mom didn't have any space emotionally seen and she said to my dad that she wanted to kill herself if we didn't move. So.. we did. We moved to the most horrible people ever. They were very strict to their children. So also to me. They hit me once when I was playing with their parfume. Well then don't leave it on a place where it's easy to get for a little child right? But yeah okay, I became really afraid for people at that age and my parents moved to my grandma for a little while, until we got a house. Well, a long story short, the neighbourhood we came in was terrible. The children and grown-ups there hurted me for 8 years, physically and mentally. Oh and at the end they bullied us away by throwing snow blocks and food against our windows in the front- and backyard and they killed our two rabbits. So yeah, Im still trying to forgive them. I was eleven when I left there with my parents and little sister of 8. When we moved to another place again, we didn't trust anyone anymore. My sister and I were afraid in the dark for years and also for people we didn't know. After three months in middle school I got my first friends again. In the 4 years of middle school a lot happened. I was bullied again, so yeah I was very insecure. I really believed everything they said to me. I was fat, ugly, unworthy.. and so on. And like that wasn't enough, in the third and mostly fourth year the whole friendgroup had heavy problems to deal with. Suicide, automutilation (self hurting), cancer two times, depression, anorexia and more. We stayed friends until the end of exams. After that evryone went their own way.
After middle school I was 16 and heavily depressed. I started on a new school and I got bullied again. So I quit on that school. I went to a second school, (called mbo in the Netherlands, it's like a sort of college) and things went better. Everything was easy on that level (i had the highest level on mbo) and I had some friends. But I still felt depressed after everything I've been through. After a while that friend group didn't like me anymore. (I still don't know why lol) so I felt even more bad and started to hurt myself. I wasn't worth anything, well I thought that. I had suicide thoughts, but didn't try. Luckily I didn't. After three years of depression I was 19, it finally went better. I went to Germany with my uncle and aunt for three weeks and that time was tough but I enjoyed the nature. I saw all kinds of wild animals at their place and I walked on a hill and in the forest everyday.
Back in Holland I began to work at a camping where I also came when I was a little kid. I came out of my depression thanks to all of those people and God. (I'm a christian so yes, I believe that.) The years after that and also between this story, a lot of things happened. But I'm almost 23 now, in a month and 8 days. I don't feel depressed anymore, even though I have to go through a lot of things. Like right now my body doesn't work like it should. Eating is hard, especially at night because after and while eating I start to feel bad and sick and I have to lay on my bed directly. I'm also very tired. After two or three hours of shopping or going away I'm so tired I can't do anything anymore. It's a heavy period right now, but I feel so much stronger emotionally then a few years ago. All of those lies people have told me and about me, they're just lies. I'm a great person and people should appreciate that.
So that's why I've made this video. If you're going through a hard time right now, keep fighting. Keep your feet on the ground. You're an amazing person and WHATEVER you've been through, it doesn't change that fact. You're great, you have talents and qualities and even though you might not have seen them yet, you will see them. You will be stronger. This is my fight song, this might be yours too. You're amazing, never forget that!
First I wanted to say everything in the video, but I thought that there are some young or maybe also depressed people here and then they had to watch my video. I'll explain later why, I don't know if I can say it right now.
But okay, if you can't deal with heavy loaded stories, then I'm recommending you not to read this. You shouldn't feel pressured to read something you can't handle or what you don't want to read. So, just saying it to protect some people! <3
So my whole life has been heavy for my feeling. I'm still working on myself, trying to get through certain moments in my life. When I was a little kid from like 2 years old, we lived in a town, nearby my grandma. She always wanted to take care for things, my mom didn't have any space emotionally seen and she said to my dad that she wanted to kill herself if we didn't move. So.. we did. We moved to the most horrible people ever. They were very strict to their children. So also to me. They hit me once when I was playing with their parfume. Well then don't leave it on a place where it's easy to get for a little child right? But yeah okay, I became really afraid for people at that age and my parents moved to my grandma for a little while, until we got a house. Well, a long story short, the neighbourhood we came in was terrible. The children and grown-ups there hurted me for 8 years, physically and mentally. Oh and at the end they bullied us away by throwing snow blocks and food against our windows in the front- and backyard and they killed our two rabbits. So yeah, Im still trying to forgive them. I was eleven when I left there with my parents and little sister of 8. When we moved to another place again, we didn't trust anyone anymore. My sister and I were afraid in the dark for years and also for people we didn't know. After three months in middle school I got my first friends again. In the 4 years of middle school a lot happened. I was bullied again, so yeah I was very insecure. I really believed everything they said to me. I was fat, ugly, unworthy.. and so on. And like that wasn't enough, in the third and mostly fourth year the whole friendgroup had heavy problems to deal with. Suicide, automutilation (self hurting), cancer two times, depression, anorexia and more. We stayed friends until the end of exams. After that evryone went their own way.
After middle school I was 16 and heavily depressed. I started on a new school and I got bullied again. So I quit on that school. I went to a second school, (called mbo in the Netherlands, it's like a sort of college) and things went better. Everything was easy on that level (i had the highest level on mbo) and I had some friends. But I still felt depressed after everything I've been through. After a while that friend group didn't like me anymore. (I still don't know why lol) so I felt even more bad and started to hurt myself. I wasn't worth anything, well I thought that. I had suicide thoughts, but didn't try. Luckily I didn't. After three years of depression I was 19, it finally went better. I went to Germany with my uncle and aunt for three weeks and that time was tough but I enjoyed the nature. I saw all kinds of wild animals at their place and I walked on a hill and in the forest everyday.
Back in Holland I began to work at a camping where I also came when I was a little kid. I came out of my depression thanks to all of those people and God. (I'm a christian so yes, I believe that.) The years after that and also between this story, a lot of things happened. But I'm almost 23 now, in a month and 8 days. I don't feel depressed anymore, even though I have to go through a lot of things. Like right now my body doesn't work like it should. Eating is hard, especially at night because after and while eating I start to feel bad and sick and I have to lay on my bed directly. I'm also very tired. After two or three hours of shopping or going away I'm so tired I can't do anything anymore. It's a heavy period right now, but I feel so much stronger emotionally then a few years ago. All of those lies people have told me and about me, they're just lies. I'm a great person and people should appreciate that.
So that's why I've made this video. If you're going through a hard time right now, keep fighting. Keep your feet on the ground. You're an amazing person and WHATEVER you've been through, it doesn't change that fact. You're great, you have talents and qualities and even though you might not have seen them yet, you will see them. You will be stronger. This is my fight song, this might be yours too. You're amazing, never forget that!
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